I Love Sounds

I love sounds; one of my favorites is the click of my heels when I walk, that is on the occasions I actually do wear them. That was the only sound I heard while walking in the opera house to meet her for the play. I had been waiting for this night, fantasizing, anticipating for the scenes we were about to behold, but no better view did I see that night than the look on her face when I walked through the door. Suddenly I got this feeling, one I’ve had many times before but this time, it was intense. We were shown to our seats, I had requested the box office seats, just to enjoy our privacy.

I sat there with her casually making conversation, pretending like we were strangers who had only met a few times before, subtly setting the scene. As soon as I began to run out of things to stay the lights shut off, and the whole atmosphere changed. Slowly I moved closer to her, I figured in the dark, my intentions wouldn’t be as obvious, but of course I was wrong. However, her intentions seemed to be the same for the minute I moved closer, so did she. It took twenty minutes into the play, to build up my courage and slide my shaking hand on top of hers; it took five more minutes for my fingers to intertwine with hers. Being the ambitious daredevil I am, I slowly lifted her hand with mine and set them on my lap on top of my dress; all I could feel was her soft fingers rubbing mine. The play we came to see soon slipped my mind, as the new play occurring in my lap enticed me more. It seemed as if the interaction of our fingers became the play and the silk of my dress was their stage; there goes that feeling again. Without warning I felt her hand move and immediately my heart dropped. I had gone too far, I wanted too much from her and now I had ruined – and then there was her hand caressing my bare thigh. It was that kind of caress that isn’t a comforting one nor was it a gentle, calming one; no this caress meant only one thing…seduction.

No longer was I in control, but neither was she, we were acting on impulse; that feeling was now overwhelming me. She slowly ran her hand around my knee and up one thigh and once she reached the beginning of my dress she ran her hand down the other thigh back to my other knee. She must have forgot I had on clothes for the next time she ran her hand up my thigh she skipped right past my dress and continued climbing, like her fingers had some place to go; it was like they had been there before for she knew every curve, every turn my body had to offer. She continued to get closer to this spot that has always been the source of my greatest pleasure, and in the background the music seemed to get stronger and more powerful. That feeling was rising inside of me and my body to shake at her touch. She was there, the only thing stopping her was the lace of my panties and I impatiently waited for her to push them to the side to reveal what her fingers had been feverently searching for. The bass from the music behind us was now tickling my skin, teasing my emotions. I felt every beat and so did she, it got faster and she got reckless just trying to release the pleasure she could see building up inside of me…and then she was there.

I could feel her and my whole body began to shake and I began to sing, reaching notes I knew weren’t in my vocal range. Why were her fingers bringing me to such heights? The play seemed to be centered on us as we caught the attention of many below us, but nobody could stop us; that $7.95 extra for the box office seats came in handy. It didn’t matter how loud the music was or how far away we were from everyone, they all knew I wasn’t singing along with that pointless play. My body began to grind to the movement of her fingers and with every move came an uncontrolled moan. Silence was no longer of concern, and neither was modesty because instantly she pulled me on top of her and as I straddled her in that chair, our bodies began to rock. Out of the corner of my eye I saw two security guards who had obviously been sent to kick us out, I knew she saw them too but we continued on enjoying our play, and so did they. The climax of the play was occurring and as the music reached its highest point so did I; holding nothing back I let out a sound that shook the whole building and instantly everything stopped- intermission.

Page 87 of My Autobiography

After two years and one semester at my current university, I have come to realize many things. I am no longer growing nor thriving in the current circumstances I am in. Long gone is the anticipation of educational pursuance, and the motivation that once drove my ambition, is slowly fading away. The surroundings and environment that once teased and excited my senses have come to be nothing more than a nuisance. That time has come to make a change and gain back that child-like ability to make everything seem brand new. At this point in my life I have two choices: continue to try and force myself to enjoy this experience or enter into a new experience where the pleasure can overwhelm me. The choice doesn’t seem that difficult but the simplest decisions can actually be the most powerful.

After a year of deaths, tears, torn families, finding myself and losing myself, a broken heart and a broken engagement, a new passion and a lost gift, a lot of pleasure and a lot of pain, all I have left is my spirituality and my education. Those two things I took for granted until they were all I was left with, and now, they are all I hold onto. Where is it stated that the foundation of life must be built on one set thing? Happiness alone cannot sustain life, just as living on air alone will not keep us living for long. Being the prideful human beings we are, we may never admit it, but those things we claim to be better off without, are usually the things we need the most. We need other people, we need our spirituality, we need our education, we need our sanity, we need expansion, we need challenges, and we need love.

Fear has been the cause of many great endeavors never being established. It stops us from pursuing our goals, it takes our voice away, and ultimately it takes the control of our lives right out of our hands. We tend to run from things or run to other things when our situations start to scare us, not understanding that those very things and situations we run from, are actually where we are supposed to be. How can we grow if we don’t face our fears? How do we even know that thing we call our “past” is not actually our future? In doing this, we lose control of our lives and in return let fear and monotony dictate our future. Our interest turns to apathy and our passion turns to routine; that is not life.

In the coming years, my life plan is to pursue my goal of becoming a physical therapist. Out of all the blandness that I have let slip into my life, that is one of the few things that shines some color onto my journey. I have changed my career paths many times, but whatever I choose, I commit to. It has been a long and rough two and a half years of schooling but I still stuck in there, even if only by the minimum requirements. Regardless of the process by which I am obtaining my goals, I can say I’m still fighting. I need an opportunity not based on what my past has shown me to be, but what I now am proving myself to be capable of. I’m ready to take advantage of my education, ready to branch out where I can learn something new and not re-learn what has been lectured to me numerous times. I am ready to explore and immerse myself in the diversity of the world, and the challenges and opportunities it has to offer. I am ready to open my eyes to what has been staring me in the face the whole time, waiting for me to notice it and finally make it mine. I am ready for life; and without even realizing it, I have accomplished the very point I have been trying to prove; I am ready.